When to let go of a long distance relationship

When to let go of a long distance relationship

When to let go of a long distance relationship? Being in a long distance relationship can sometimes feel like torture. I’ve written a post about how to deal with those feelings which you can find here. Being in a long distance relationship means there are moments when you ask yourself when to let go of a long distance relationship? It’s not a question with an easy answer but I will break it down and answer this question. First let’s go through the stages of the relationship as well as the logistics and your potential future.

Relationship stages

There are several different phases or stages of any relationship. I will tell you how these relate to a long distance relationship.

Honeymoon phase

The honeymoon phase is the first couple months of a relationship. When you can’t stop thinking about each other. This is when you are happy by looking at each other and everything feels great. In this phase it’s common to think that this person is the one. That you will get married one day. This is by far the best part of the relationship but it has to come to a tragic end.


The relationship tends to hit a plateau when you don’t have much to talk about anymore. The initial thrill of being together is gone and it starts feeling a bit dull. This is the phase right after the honeymoon phase when you don’t feel much for the other person. The relationship is still fine but there’s no progress anymore. And it feels more like a habitual behaviour. It doesn’t excite you but it’s fine.


After spending some time in this gray zone you start questioning things. Like when to let go of a long distance relationship? Or should I still be with this person? Do I love this person?. This is when the relationship starts falling apart a bit. And you both question whether this relationship is heading. Considering you are reading this article you are most likely in this phase right now. You start looking for reasons to break up or reasons why you’re not a good fit.

Solid phase

If you manage to keep the relationship up even throughout this phase then it will be followed by a solid phase. What that means is that you have gotten past your insecurities. You’ve decided to stay together despite these potential mismatches. If you get to this stage when you once again feel secure in the relationship and everything feels ok. Then you might as well keep going, even though the love is not as strong as it used to, you guys are solid.


The logistics is another deciding factor in the question of when to let go of a long distance relationship. If you are living very far apart and only get to meet once a year or once every six months this might be challenging. In my experience, people will tend to grow a lot during a 6 to 12 month period. This is a good thing but it might mean that you are growing in different directions. You might grow apart so that when you finally get to meet, you’re not a good match anymore.

If you live a couple hours apart and get to meet on weekends or once a month or so, this is not a big issue. In that case the distance might be healthy for your relationship. Having some distance can strengthen the emotional bond between the two of you. Too much distance can drive you apart on the other hand.


Another deciding factor, perhaps the most important one is your future. Where do you see yourself in the future? Do you plan on getting married and move to the same place?. If you have a common goal or idea of how your futures will be then great. If you see yourselves in completely different places in the future it might be better to break it off. No one will be happy in the relationship if being together means you have to give up your dreams and goals. So if this is a requirement then it’s better to break up and move on.

Conclusion (TL;DR)

When to let go of a long distance relationship?. It’s time to let go when you have completely different ideas of the future. If you want to get married, have kids and live in Haiti together, keep going. But if one of you wants a family and stability, and the other wants to travel the world, then break it off.

If you live fairly close and get to meet occasionally, keep going. If you live on the other side of the world and have no idea when you will meet again, break up. Or If the logistics and your futures align but you are still feeling insecure about the relationship, then read this post. It’s about dealing with the negative emotions of a long distance relationship. Because the negative emotions are inevitable but that doesn’t mean you should break up. Rather try to learn and grow from this. Try to interpret the negative emotions as an opportunity for personal growth.

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