Obsessed with finding a girlfriend
Are you Obsessed with finding a girlfriend? Don’t worry. This is not uncommon at all and many have faced the same problem. Including me when I was younger so I will share with you how I escaped this devastating paradox. But first, let me provide you with some more depth to the concept of being obsessed with finding a girlfriend.
Why we as men want a girlfriend can be explained in several ways. The explanation I’ve found to resonate the most with me would be a mix of the biological and psychological one. First of all, we as humans live here on planet earth with only one biological purpose:
Keeping mankind alive
In order to keep mankind alive several things are required from us as individuals. Most importantly we have to make sure that we ourselves survive. If we would die we wouldn’t be able to deliver on the second requirement which is:
We need to make as many babies as humanly possible in order to make sure that even a small minority of them survive and live a healthy life in order for them to keep making more babies. This makes complete sense for us on a biological level. Lately society and our medical development has made this less of a necessity as time passes. In this day and age there is no real need for us to keep reproducing at maximum speed anymore. This is what can create issues such as the obsession with finding a partner. Since on a biological level this is not uncommon. While in the society we currently live in, this could be more of a problem than a common trait.
The psychology behind being obsessed with finding a girlfriend
A reason for being obsessed with finding a girlfriend that is both common and likely is a lack of self-esteem. Having a healthy or high level of self-esteem will lead you to believe that finding a girlfriend is something you are capable of doing whenever you want. Having a strong self-belief about your girlfriend-finding-capabilities will completely get rid of your sense of urgency. In other words, you don’t have to obsess over something like this since you can just get one whenever you feel like it.
There may be other reasons that are deeply rooted and stems from your childhood experience. Or your general belief of how life is “Supposed” to be lived. As for me, I used to both struggle with a low self-esteem as well as have underlying beliefs regarding relationships. Both my parents as well as their parents got married in their early twenties or even as early as when they were 18 years old. This made me think that I was incapable of getting a partner as well as made me feel obsessed with finding a girlfriend very early on. It’s probably as obvious to you as it is to me now. That such a belief will get me nowhere and forcing a relationship because you feel like you have too. It’s no way to live a happy life.
Why is being obsessed with finding a girlfriend a problem?
It’s kind of a paradox, as I’ve touched on in several different posts as well. Girls tend to want what they can’t get, as us men. If something is easy to get, we don’t value it as much as we should. Thus to get a girlfriend you want to achieve a high status in their eyes. Even if you are in love with them and would say yes without second thoughts. Creating the illusion of being better than them or being hard to get will be a much more consistent strategy.
It should be self-explanatory by now but to tie the knot together I’ll explain it in a more simple manner. When you are obsessed with finding a girlfriend you are easy to get and don’t appear to be of low value and status. This is why to find a girlfriend you have to get rid of the obsession by getting to a point where you are completely fine if not even better off being alone.
So finally, you are probably wondering what I did to get through this myself. First of all I embraced the obsession and realised that it’s not abnormal, but rather very common among young men. Secondly I developed my self-esteem by using the methods I’ve written about here. Check it out if you wish to start building your self-esteem.
Also, there is some truth to the “fake it til you make it” saying. Acting as if you are not interested might make it a lot easier for you to get that girlfriend to fall for you.
The most important thing you can do is to keep busy, find something you want even more than a girlfriend. An obsession that’s even stronger. Girls will sense that they are priority number 2 and will want to fight for being your number 1 priority. Good luck and feel free to reach out for personal coaching on the subject.