How to start a conversation with your crush for the first time over text
You’ve finally found your crush on Facebook, or perhaps you’ve gotten her number from a friend and now you came here in search for some guidelines on how to start a conversation with your crush for the first time over text and I’ll give you just that but first let me share something with you that might change your mind because I am sure that once you hear this, you won’t want to send her that text message anymore.
Out of curiosity I’ve asked many girls both to get to see their messages as well as what it feels like to receive messages from guys, especially from strangers on Tinder but also from their friends, from flings and from guys who’ve tried to pick them up and I’ll tell you just what they said.
Put yourself in the shoes of a beautiful girl for a second
Imagine waking up in the morning, you just spent all of last night at the club and while it was indeed a lot of fun and you were dancing with your friends and had one of the tastiest cocktails you’ve ever had from that cute bartender who was flirting with you. But fun things aside, there were about ten guys approaching you with one objective and one objective only: to get to wake up next to you tomorrow, and some of them might’ve been looking for something more but most of them only wanted to have sex, and not only with you but with anyone. At least so it seemed when they were trying to grind every girl in the club.
Your head hurts from all the mojitos and you’re sweating uncontrollably and feel a bit sick, barely got any sleep and will now have to get up and run to the station for that hour long train ride home. As you look at your phone there is what seems like an endless amount of unread notifications, what are all these notifications you ask, well most of them are messages from more guys that just want to have sex with you.
Just the thought of replying to another one of those messages sicken you, almost to the point of throwing those mojitos from last night back up on the seat in front of you on the train again…
Reality is that she probably won’t even read it this week
While the story above might be a really extreme scenario, you get the point, girls are popular, the more charming and attractive, the more competition you have. The truth is that she probably won’t even read your message today, if even this week or at all. Your chances are slim.
So instead of ‘how to start a conversation with your crush for the first time over text’ This thread should be called, Don’t text her!
If you want her to acknowledge you, if you want to get her attention then your best bet is to give her a phone call or if you have the chance, go talk to her. In this digital age this will get rid of 99% of the competition since every other guy on the planet is either too scared or too lazy to give a girl a phone call or even worse… Talk to her in real life.
If this just went right over your head and you are still looking for some advice for sending her a text then go ahead and learn it the hard way and I’ll try to provide some great strategies for keeping it as painless as possible.
How to start a conversation with your crush for the first time over text for real this time
- Hi It’s me Carl, I got your number from Alice, let’s all get together this weekend
- Hey it’s Carl, Saturday at 8, Mexican or Italian?
- Have you heard from Alice lately?
- I heard ‘Insert her favourite’ is happening this Sunday, do me the honour?
- Do you like snail hats?
To be honest you can say pretty much anything, if she’s interested in you as a person she might actually take some time and respond, but chances are, whatever you think of some other guys have already tried it on her.
Some of the only successful lines I’ve used in text have looked something like this:
I don’t think you are ready but I’m going to pick you up tomorrow and take you on an adventure.
How could something that stupid work you ask, Well let me tell you about text game.
Text game basics
Text game is just like cold-calling or approaching girls in the street, maybe even worse since the attention span of someone looking into their phone is about 6 seconds. And it’s all about getting them interested enough to want to spend their time writing with you rather than writing with someone else, because trust me. You are not the only option they have right now.
So then how do you catch their attention? It’s simple, how do you catch anyones attention? With something unexpected!
I’ll go through this further in my post about Tinder game since this is more relevant if you are writing with strangers. Sending a message to your crush won’t really be the same since you hopefully already know each other.
Think, what would other guys write? Or even What was I thinking of writing before I read this?
And then write the complete opposite of that, Don’t be mean though there’s no point in that.
Something like starting with an intern joke between the two of you is a perfect start because that will give her an image in her mind of a situation where you had fun together, which in turn hopefully puts her in a good mood and encourages her to continue chatting with you.
If you have no idea how she’s like as a person or have never actually talked to her then assume that she likes what most girls like, excitement and adventure, unpredictability. Most girls want mysterious men and by that I mean men who they cannot predict, men who surprise them.
This is why the adventure line is so brilliant
It grabs their attention because they’ve probably never seen anything like that before. It also intrigues them because they do indeed love adventure, and it’s also mysterious since they don’t have any idea of what kind of adventure. But the best part is, It leaves them with a promise for a future plan, when we get an idea of a potential future that might come our way; we start creating a mental image of this fake future memory and create expectations.
We all know what happens when we let our expectations down, we get annoyed and sad, perhaps even angry. Which means she will probably want to follow through on these potential plans and she’s probably already creating a future together with you in her mind right now.
The big drawback though is that once you’ve made this promise of epic adventures filled with excitements you better live up to your promise or else it’s all going to be for nothing.
Well what’s next?
After the first message, if she doesn’t respond… Well wait a few days and try again, unless she tells you to stop it can’t cause much more harm. When she does respond tho, that’s where the real challenge starts, and I’m not a master at this because I do hate messaging and try to avoid it as much as humanly possible, but I’ve spent my fair share of messaging with girls and picked up a few tricks that I’ll share with you.
If she writes you a short message, reply with a short message, if she writes you a long and descriptive semi-letter then reply with one, simple right? Well not always, sometimes you write an essay and all you get back is a Ok. Which if you then reply with another 5-page essay will make you seem super desperate.
If all you get is an Ok, I wouldn’t even respond but rather write her in a few days again or let her write me. The key is to seem busy, important and pretend that she is not the most important thing in your life right now even though she might actually be.
So why is this?
Well because we as human beings, boys and girls won’t go for what’s easy to get. We wan’t a challenge. We almost always want what we cannot have, grass is always greener on the other side right? Because of this we have to balance between being interested to show her that she means a lot to us, while still seeming out of reach.
The best way to achieve this balance is to just mimic her way of writing, since then when she’s creating distance you create distance to win her back and when she’s into you you are into her to build the connection stronger. Makes sense?
And one last thing, Don’t interview her but don’t forget questions either. Try to keep it at one question per message in order to keep the conversation going but don’t spam her with questions since just answering questions can be really annoying and feel like an interrogation and nobody likes interrogations.
On to maybe the most important thing, once you write her a message or reply to her… Leave your phone somewhere or turn the sound off and forget that you are waiting for her message, if you keep checking your phone every three seconds for her messages you will first of all give her a very high emotional value and therefore get attached way sooner than her, this will make creating distance between the two of you really difficult.
If you don’t reply to a message, no one will get angry with you or think that you are ignoring them, they will simply start believing that you have more important things to do than to just have a conversation.
Focus of the conversation
Maybe this is what you were really looking for when you searched for How to start a conversation with your crush for the first time over text? What to actually talk about.
I believe that the focus of the conversation should be to get to know more about her and slowly (not too slowly tho) transition into asking her out or somehow getting her to meet up with you.
Since the sooner you meet up the better right?
When trying to get to know her, keep directing the subject towards her interests. You should dive deeper into them, play Sherlock. Really get to know her better. Find out not only what her favourite food is but also what her favourite experience eating that food was and what memory made it her favourite food. Not only what her job is, but what got her to make the decision to pick that job and what about the job makes her like it. You get the point, go deeper, smalltalk sucks, no one really likes small talk and it definitely doesn’t create any deep bonds or attraction so skip as much of it as possible.