how to build rapport with a girl you like
Before we run head first into a step-by-step guide on how to build rapport with a girl you like I’d like to clarify what rapport really is and why building rapport is an absolute necessity, assuming that you want her to like you back that it. To be absolutely clear, if you don’t wish to be liked back by this girl and rather only wish pain upon yourself then this won’t help you so please leave.
I have a dear friend who is horrible at building rapport and therefore has few friends and even fewer females lying naked in his bedroom. Let’s call him Robert, the last time I met with Robert I noticed something rather interesting about the way he communicates… Have you ever seen someone speak with incredible clarity about a subject that you both enjoy talking as well as listening to, but something just doesn’t click. Something seems a bit… Off.
After curiously searching his behaviour for every clue I could ever imagine, carefully thinking through whether something might be troubling him or if he was always acting like this, I started drifting off into thought for a bit, since something about the way he is acting is almost hypnotising, or just not grabbing me by the attention. And I’m back, and I wonder what’s causing him to seem this uninteresting, Maybe It’s the subject… No I enjoy talking about business, It must be…
“Are you even listening?”
As you know, I wasn’t. Was it my fault?
Frankly, Yes, Yes it was, is. While if he knew about it it would be his responsibility whether to improve his communication or not.
So what was he doing wrong?
- Constantly blinking
- Poor eye contact
- No hand gestures
- Monotone tone of voice
- Maintaining the focus of the conversation on himself
- Left no room for me to talk
So what is rapport and how come Robert didn’t nail it?
Rapport is the moment in a conversation or interaction when we feel empathy towards one another, when two or more people are having a moment of mutual connectedness and feel like they truly understand the other person as well as being understood, moments of deep rapport often create the well known “It feels like I’ve known you my entire life” moment.
You have probably met one of those kinds of people where you feel really appreciated and connected to them in just a matter of seconds. Some people are true naturals at this but don’t worry, I will share the tools with you and all you got to do is grab the hammer and go hit that nail a couple of times and one day you too shall master building rapport with people.
Then how do we build rapport?
By doing the opposite of what Robert was doing that day, Maintain a steady eye contact. I’m not talking about having a staring contest but gazing Kindly at each others eyes are perfectly natural and will be appreciated and seen as if you were actually truly focused on the conversation. Which gets us to the next most important thing in building rapport.
Maintaining a presence in the interaction, a conversation is mutual, if only one person is talking or if one of you aren’t listening and partaking in the both listening and speaking then there’s not much of a conversation going on is there? Try to notice what the other person is saying and let the conversation be guided by mutual subjects.
I’ve spent many times having conversations where one of the contenders put a subject into play as the other person chose another subject and the power to speak was tossed around while no one would listen to the other, you can imagine how a conversation like this turned out. I got to express my thoughts on football to a brick wall that had no idea what I was saying.
As for him, I don’t know what he was talking about, I do know that It wasn’t football and I do know that I wasn’t listening though. Imagine the level of connection that this conversation granted us. Magnificent, we felt incredibly understood after this short talk didn’t we Robert?
I guess you have had a conversation with someone who didn’t leave any room for you to talk as well haven’t you, some people seem to only care about being in the centre of attention don’t they? Well I know they do because I am one of these people, at least I was…
I do believe that I still crave attention even though I’m completely self aware about it now and do my best to avoid being that guy when I’m close to people I somewhat care about, or when trying to get laid of course but you shouldn’t say things like that should you?
I’ll try to record a voice clip for you of what tone of voice you shouldn’t use when trying to connect with other people but I’ll start with this:
That’s pretty much all you need to know, Switch it up a little, speak like you are alive, speak like you would if you told the most exciting story in the world or like your dog just died if you are telling a sad story, it engages people. We love to be engaged, that’s why we love stories, because we can relate to the character and so we get engaged in the journey he is on and become a part of his reality.
Body language is a broad subject but let’s start with what Robert was doing,
Hold your hands in your pockets or just let them rest next to your legs…
Now leave them there… Keep them there, just a while longer, a couple more minutes…. You get the point. It’s not very engaging, if you wish to captivate someone in conversation then moving your hands as you speak will create a somewhat more inviting atmosphere and build up a sense of trust since you do see the hands of the person speaking and therefore you can be certain that he’s not going to stab you or punch you in the face.
Now you know what not to do, and since there’s a whole bunch of guides out there on what to do, let’s stand out a bit and leave it at ‘What not to do to avoid ruining your chances of building rapport with a girl you like’ Well it doesn’t do well in search engines does it, gotta change it back, I mean I’m trying to run a business here after all.
And for all those people out there who are either too busy to read about Robert and me, or if you just hate reading and just want a quick answer then I’ll cater to you as well so.
- Talk to girl
- Move hands
- Look into eyes
- Be engaging
There you go, Figure out the specifics yourself you lazy bastard! Love you tho no homo.