dating in japan as a foreign man
I’ve received a bunch of questions on dating in japan as a foreign man. I’ll write a post about it since there’s several more of you out there searching for guidelines on the topic. When it comes to dating in japan as a foreign man it’s actually pretty simple. I’ll break it down into 4 categories to simplify it.
By places I mean both physical as well as online locations where you can meet girls in Japan. Dating in japan as a foreign man can be difficult if you have no idea where to start looking. Especially if you don’t know much about Japanese society or don’t have many friends here. To save you some time I’ll divide this section into two sub-categories. Physical locations and Online tools (Apps, Websites etc.)
If you have the level of dedication, discipline and confidence to strike up conversation with a girl waiting for the train or sitting in a café. You won’t have to read this section since you already have what it takes to be dating in japan as a foreign man anywhere you go. If your confidence is still not at this level then this will come in handy.
First of all there’s the easiest one which is bars and clubs. I assume we all know about these options. There’s a very easy option when it comes to finding girls in Tokyo which is to go hang out in a British Pub called Hub. The place has a reputation for being crowded with foreigners and girls who wants to meet them. Personally I find this a bit to simple and prefer more challenging options but there’s nothing wrong with starting out easy. And if you don’t speak any Japanese this might be a great place to meet girls who can speak or at least wants to learn English.
When it comes to nightclubs I don’t have much experience but you can find lists of clubs on google.
If also found that rock bars are a perfect place for meeting interesting girls. They speak quite a bit of English and go out to have fun and meet new people. The atmosphere is also very friendly and everyone’s friends with each other.
Aside from bars and clubs another great forum for dating in japan as a foreign man is events. You can find several events on the Meetup app or website. There are also a lot of music festivals and public events in any of the big parks. You could check out Tokyocheapo or similar websites for information on when events are hosted.
First of all we have Tinder which is great when it comes to dating in japan as a foreign man. You will get at least ten times the amount of matches you would get back home in your country. Despite this fact I still advise against the use of tinder since it will crush your confidence and make you lazy (More on this here).
Another great tool is the app HelloTalk. It’s an app where you can learn more Japanese and meet up to practice language together. This app prohibits dating tho so be careful what you write if you want to keep your account. Despite this I’ve went on several dates with girls I’ve met through this app. (You can also take the opportunity to brush up on your Japanese while you’re at it.)
We also have sites like Meetup and Couch Surfing. These are perfect for connecting with girls who are into foreigners and interested in different cultures. But Be aware that girls aren’t there for dating. And thus you will need a stronger game once you actually meet up with them.
Once you’ve met up with a girl you will have to speak to her. This can be intimidating if there’s a thick language barrier. But don’t worry dating in japan as a foreign man is not as tough as one could think. Conversation is actually not as important as it would be when dating in your own country. Japanese people are usually terrible at social interactions. There’s many exceptions to this but I’ve found it applies as a general guideline. If you have an idea of the DISC personality types. You’ll see that most Japanese girls are Green/Blue (Neurotic, Introverted, Friendly). While western girls tend to lean more towards the Yellow/Red (Self centred, extroverted, social). Adjusting your conversation to the person you are speaking to is important to create flow in the dialogue. When it comes to Japanese girls Rather than asking questions and letting them talk about themselves like you would with western girls. I’ve found talking about yourself and making jokes and telling stories to be a way more powerful way to create rapport with their introverted personalities.
Don’t worry if you don’t speak Japanese, just use very basic English and focus on your body language and physical expressions. This way she will definitely enjoy the interaction regardless of whether she understands the words or not. And remember that body language is at least 50% of any social interaction so just moving and acting in the right way gets you halfway through the door.
I’ll go a bit deeper into the topic of body language. When it comes to dating in japan as a foreign man in this topic. I can’t stress enough how important body language will be. The thicker the language barrier the more important your body language and expressiveness will be. Remember to stay in your circle of influence. If you can’t control the interaction with your words you have to shift your focus to the part of the interaction that you can control. In this case the things you can control are your body language (Posture, speed of movements, eye contact etc). You can make sure to express emotion, since all humans have mirror neurons we will mimic the other persons emotions once we feel a deep level of rapport. This will be your main weapon. Mimic her facial expressions. Show strong emotion as you are speaking and try to bring her into your emotional frame. Do this through descriptive hand movements and facial expressions.
If you’ve read about Kino escalation in books such as The Game you know what to do next. Start touching her, getting closer to her and slowly escalate the way you touch her in what seems natural in the situation. Start by lightly touching her shoulder, her clothes or hair as you justify it by asking about her haircut or fashion choices. Take it one step further by getting close to her ear to whisper something or grab her hand and make a silly dance. Just make sure she doesn’t get uncomfortable since then you’ve been moving too fast.
Before you start dating in japan as a foreign man. I want to touch on one last topic which I find important. Their social norms are a lot different from what you are used to. Especially when it comes to dating.
In general Japanese girls do not tend to want one night stands, though there are exceptions to this. Women who sleep with several men have a rather bad reputation in Japan and so most girls are looking for something more serious or long-term. If you are also looking for something more serious I would advise you to meet a girl. Establish rapport and then rather than kissing her and taking her home. Ask her on a real date and moving on from there.
Hugging and kissing in public is also in general very frowned upon. Thus it can often times feel as if she has no romantic interest in you while in reality she’s worried what people around you might be thinking. If she turns away her head when you try to kiss her, don’t take it as a sign she doesn’t like you but rather ask if she is feeling embarrassed. This is another reason why you should ask her on a date rather than pushing for same night sex.
If you are up for the challenge go ahead and try it but I’ve found that it takes so much more work than just asking her out and bringing her home on the second date.
In the case I’ve missed something important let me know in the comments. If you wish to read more about this topic let me know and I’ll make a video explaining it further. Good luck on dating in japan as a foreign man.